So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
