32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
