Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
