i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
