i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
