He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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