I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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