just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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