So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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