If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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