I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
