i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
