if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
