So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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