Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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