You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
