No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
