dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
