I think im going to throw up on grandma
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
