I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
