shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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