First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
