We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
