Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
