please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
