You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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