There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
