don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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