Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
