Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
