I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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