he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
