You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't deserve a penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
