I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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