Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
