i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
