i need an iv and a liver transplant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
