I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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