I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize