And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
