We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Randomize
