dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
