I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
