He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
