Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
