Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
3 2 1 whiskey
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
