Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
