it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
