I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
