We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
