On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my poor anus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
