i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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