Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
