Please, let me fuck your mom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
