I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
